Issue 5 – Week beginning April 26th

TITTLE TATTLE NEWSLETTER 

Issue 5   week beginning 26th April

Sponsored by Harden Congregational Church

The Importance of Prayer

Now, as at all times, we should face today and tomorrow through the great power of prayer. We pray in different ways. It doesn’t matter how or when; sometimes in the middle of a storm, sometimes in the everyday mundane, sometimes in the silence.

 EVEN A WHISPER OF A PRAYER IS HEARD…………………………..

Jesus gave us a guide as to how and what we should pray for, in the Lord’s Prayer. He spoke of the importance of perseverance in prayer. Prayer doesn’t need to be formal, just a conversation, just a sentence, just a thought.

He said

‘Ask, and it shall be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.’ 

[Luke 11. 9-10]

Reflection

In between the completing of long promised jobs in house and garden and making contact with family and friends with all the latest technology, {Zoom has opened a new world to me!], I have gone out into the sunshine and walked in the nearby fields and on Harden Moor, where in the midst of an invigorated nature I am alone with my thoughts. This crisis makes me take stock and I recall this poem:-

Leisure

What is this life, if full of care

We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this, if full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

Local Shops

Local shops, supplying essential goods and services, remain open in the village; Go Local/Post Office, Garry Snowden & Son Butchers, Fresh Approach, and Harden Pharmacy. They can supply most of our essential shopping requirements without the need to get in the car. They are all working hard and often long hours to support the local community in this way. Please support them both now and after the Lockdown if you can.

They have all put in measures to ensure social distancing. Their opening hours can vary from the norm and from week to week depending on their workload and special provision for essential workers etc. Opening times are displayed on the premises.

Harden Children’s Gala

The committee are really disappointed to advise you that the gala will not take place this year.

In almost 50 years we have not had to cancel the Gala despite foot and mouth, floods and other problems.

However, this year has certainly been extraordinary and we do not know if the Lockdown restrictions would be reduced to such a level by June that we would be able to hold the event. Even if we were, neither we nor local families could be 100% confident that our event posed no risk of accidentally spreading the infection further.

We do realise that you will all miss what has become a village tradition offering a wonderful and affordable afternoon for all the children of Harden and the surrounding villages, but trust you will understand the reasoning behind our decision. We have delayed this decision as long as we can, but if we waited any longer to see what transpired we would have incurred substantial, non-refundable costs.

We hope that we will be able to arrange some safe activities for the local children around Gala time and maybe an adult evening event such as a quiz in the Autumn as a way of publicising the Gala and perhaps adding a little bit to our funds. 

When 2020 draws to a close we hope we will still be able to hold a Christmas Party for the children of the village and others who attend the primary School. Then we can look forward to next year when the Gala Queen and her attendants whom we chose back in November 2019 will lead the parade down Long Lane on Saturday 19th June 2021. 

 D&S Garden Services

For all your garden maintenance

Grass cutting, lawn care, borders & planting 

Weekly & fortnightly visits available

Based in Harden

Please contact David or Stuart

01535 274287 or 07794971703

Summer bedding plants/based in Harden

Hanging baskets

Troughs & planters available

Old ones can be refilled

Free local collection

Bedding plants £2.25 per punnet

Please contact Suzanne 

 01535 274287 or 07815559874

Harden Hub

 We are sorry that we were unable to deliver fresh produce last Friday. This was the result of one of the team suffering a sudden bereavement. We hope to resume Friday May 1st.

Village Undertakers Coronavirus update:

Amid much speculation regarding easing the lockdown, Bradford Council maintains its policy of restrictions at all funeral services. At each of the District Crematoria only ten mourners are permitted to attend and social distancing is to be respected. Apart from the Funeral Director and Funeral staff only the following should attend:

  • Members of the persons household
  • Close family members
  • Or if the above are unable to attend, close friends
  • Attendance of an Officiant of choice, if desired

If, among these ten mourners, there are members of one family present who live together and attend the funeral together, then they will not be required to socially distance from each other. Mourners should travel in separate vehicles; limousines are not available. A short service may be held outdoors in sight of the coffin. [This arrangement mirrors the restrictions which have already been placed on burials.] Only the Funeral Directors staff and the Officiant may enter the chapel building.

It is anticipated that when the current crisis is over there will be opportunities for Memorial and Celebration of Life services to take place.

For information on Covid-19 compliant funerals see our website at www.villageundertakers.co.uk and choose the ‘Whernside’ option under the prices tab. Despite the current difficulties we remain open 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Telephone Robert Wadddington 07599 46 26 49

Rainbow children

Following contributions from Mollie and Freya last week, we now have a different offering from George. He has been busy building raised beds in the garden and planting out his first vegetables. His family aren’t going to go short of fresh produce!

All three children are pupils at Harden Primary School but are at home at the moment as part of the current Lockdown requirements.

George writes: “Today I planted lots of seeds. I planted carrots, kale, broccoli, parsnips and lettuce. Before I planted the carrots in the ground, I had to grow them a bit before I put them in the soil. I had to make a line to put the seeds in, then I covered them up. Then I had to water them”.

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Here are some contributions from children of key workers who are still attending Harden Primary School. We can see they are keeping busy! 

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Beat the Bullies.Com

Chapter 4 to be found below

Thoughts on the current situation

Fake news?:-

A certain news briefing last week brought to mind the origins of the expression ‘clap-trap’. The first ‘clap-trap’ was used in the theatre as a means of winning applause at any price. So ‘clap-trap’ consisted of cheap stunts and jokes that were sure to go down well with certain parts of the audience. Since then ‘clap-trap’ has widened its terms of reference to cover any sort of worthless nonsense!

Difficult choices:-

The discussion is about when and how the difficult decisions are to be made to ease the lockdown. Those who will make the decisions could be said to be ‘on the horns of a dilemma.’ This phrase means to be faced by two equally difficulty or unfavourable choices. The expression originates from the Greek word ‘lemma’ meaning an ‘assumption.’ A dilemma is a double ‘lemma’ which medieval philosophers perceived as being like a bull that would toss you, whichever horn you held.

Football :-

Having to watch on TV football matches played behind closed doors, spare a thought for fans in the days when football matches were first broadcast on radio. Pitch diagrams were printed divided into numbered squares. Commentators referred to these squares to help listeners follow the course of the game. So the expression ‘to go back to square one’ is to return to where one started and became common parlance for going back to the beginning of something.

Of course you may be missing the football but perhaps not the football commentators who are well known for their gaffes. Here are one or two gems:-

  • ‘Well either side could win, or it could be draw’ [Ron Atkinson]
  • ‘I never make predictions and I never will’ [Paul Gascoigne]
  • ‘If that had gone in it would have been a goal’ [David Coleman]
  • ‘I think the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was’ [Ron Atkinson]
  • ‘You’d think if any team could put up a decent wall, it would be China’ [Terry Venables]

Answers to Anagram Quiz

  1. Game of Thrones
  2. Sherlock
  3. Mr. Selfridge
  4. Call the Midwife
  5. Silent Witness
  6. Death in Paradise
  7. Top Gear
  8. Doctor Who
  9. Downton Abbey
  10. Midsummer Murders
  11. Doc Martin
  12. Benidorm 
  13. Eastenders
  14. Only Fools and Horses
  15. Inspector Morse
  16. Coronation Street
  17. Outnumbered
  18. Casualty

Dingbat Quiz

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And finally a PRAYER taken from the words of a hymn

Drop thy still dews of quietness,

Till all our strivings cease;

Take from our souls the strain and stress

And let our ordered lives confess

The beauty of thy peace.

Breathe through the heats of our desire

Thy coolness and thy balm

Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;

Speak through the earthquake, wind and fire

O still small voice of calm!

Beat the Bullies. Com

Chapter 4

Colin listened carefully to Percy’s description of all he had had to endure from his tormentors. It was not long before Colin had got their measure. Quite apart from the complicated sociological and psychological explanations for the bullies’ behaviour, he recognised all the signs of the gang mentality that even small boys demonstrated. One of the important things he would have to tackle was the ‘strength in numbers’ syndrome which all gangs thrived on. In Colin’s experience most of the offenders would not act as they did if they were on their own. They required the participation of others. Mutual support supplied not only the encouragement to behave badly but also provided the comfort of physical back up should it be required. Colin’s knowledge of military strategy, a particular interest of his,  taught him that the enemy could be undermined by the old maxim ‘divide and rule.’ If he could drive a wedge between Kayne and his merry band of fellow outlaws he would weaken the effect of overwhelming numbers.

First, however, there was the immediate problem of Percy missing the school trip. There was no doubt in Colin’s mind that such a talented and promising footballer should be given the opportunity to be “spotted” by those who could further his budding career in the ‘beautiful’ game. So he reassured Percy that he was on the case. 

Percy was less than confident in the ability of his new found internet friend. All places on the trip had been snapped up by many eager albeit less talented young soccer enthusiasts so there was no longer a place for Percy even if he should want it. Added to that, was the presence of Kayne on the expedition.  Nothing daunted, it was Colin’s decided opinion that the two problems would both be solved if Kayne could not attend. In Kayne’s absence, his place could be taken by Percy from the secret Reserve List, which Mr. Vault had so helpfully compiled in his favour. He would be able to enjoy the day without fear of any bullying harassment. Simple! To any inexperienced sleuth this would have seemed to be too tall an order but Colin had every confidence, that with his skills on the computer, he could resolve the matter to everyone’s satisfaction except Kayne’s.

He discussed the arrangements for the trip with Percy. He discovered that very helpfully the email outlining the terms and conditions, health and safety requirements and lists of dos and don’ts had yet to be dispatched to the expectant trippers. In fact, the said document was still pending delivery in ‘Drafts’ on Mr.Vault’s computer, due to an oversight on his part. This made the task in hand particularly easy for Colin. He was a dab hand at introducing himself into other people’s computers when circumstances demanded it. Once he had discovered from Percy that no-one had received communication from the dilatory Mr. Vault he set to work to explore Mr. Vault’s laptop and open the draft email. It read

“Dear Tripper,      [where do teachers find these expressions!]

Football at Bingford Athletic

[There followed a long list of the inevitable terms and conditions and health and safety requirements. They did not trouble Colin as they were not relevant to his considerations. However, he read the itinerary with concentrated interest.

“1.  08.15  Meet at School Main Gate Woodville Road entrance. Full school uniform to be worn. 

                     Bring football kit and towel.

2.   08.20  Bus leaves [promptly] for Football ground

3.  09.00 Arrival at Football Ground [traffic permitting]

4.  09.30 Tour of Club

5.  11.00 Refreshment break and DVD presentation ‘The Future of the Game’.

6.  12.00 Training Session

7.  13.30 Lunch. Bring packed lunch. [No fizzy drinks, crisps or chocolate please]

8.  14. 30 Meet the Players and Backroom Staff

9.  15.30 Training Session with Players

10. 16.30 Showers

11.  17.00 Bus leaves Ground

12. 17. 30 Bus arrives School Back Gate Melham Road entrance. Parents to collect.

BEST BEHAVIOUR EXPECTED AT ALL TIMES! 

M. Vault”

So there it was, opportunity handed on a plate. As far as Colin was concerned nothing could be simpler than a little tampering with the detail. He noted the names of recipients and honed in on the Kayne family’s email address. He deleted it from the list. Doing the inept, games teacher a favour, in his opinion, he sent all other recipients Mr. Vault’s message. He went on to forward a separate, albeit doctored, message to the unsuspecting Wayne family. His purpose was achieved by making slight alterations to the original text. 

Colin clicked on to ‘Cut/Paste. He singled out Instruction number 1. in Mr.Vault’s list and pressing ‘cut’ deleted the words ‘Main Gate Woodville Road entrance’. Moving the mouse to the left he ‘pasted’ the same words into Instruction Number 12. 

He then ‘cut from Instruction 12 ‘Back Gate Melham Road entrance’ and ‘pasted’ it into Number 1.

It would be obvious to anyone paying attention that Instruction Number 1. In the Wayne copy of the email now read 

‘08.15 Meet at School Back Gate Melham Road entrance’

And Instruction Number 12 read

‘17.30 Bus arrives School Main Gate Woodville Road entrance’ 

On receipt of said email Kayne did pay attention, for once. He was looking forward to his day out and particularly  at the prospect of meeting his hero, Leonardo Buffone, the top goal scorer for Bingford Athletic. He may have been a bully but he was not all bad. He had dreams and aspirations like any other boy. His trouble was that he trampled over other people’s dreams and aspirations along the way. He sat down and read and re-read the email to make sure he had assimilated Mr. Vault’s instructions. He was not known for good time keeping but such was the importance of this event he took to writing down the time of the bus departure on the back of his left hand so there could be no mistake. There had been a near disaster when he had been cajoled to take a shower by his mother, on the evening before the event.  Even his unenthusiastic strokes of the sponge had washed away all traces of ink on the back of his hand. He had woken in the middle of the night in a hot sweat and in the realisation that he could not now remember if the bus was to leave at 8.30 or 8.20. He had scrambled out of bed and rushed downstairs to consult his laptop much to the disgust of the family cat that was sleeping on top of it. With the correct time imprinted in his brain he returned to his bed. He marked out the time once again on his hand and vowed not to wash again until the following evening at the earliest. He also remembered rather late in the day to set his alarm for the unusually early hour of 7.45.

The next morning all went smoothly and he set off to school, jammy waffle in hand. He marched briskly to the bus stop to catch an earlier bus. He had contemplated the need for this but had come to the conclusion that to catch the usual one would be cutting things a bit fine. The Number 23 dropped off at the end of Woodville Road which was only about two hundred yards from the Main Gate. However, for reasons best known to himself, Mr.Vault had decided that the pick-up point should be at the Back Entrance to the school which would involve quite a hike from the bus stop.

He was approaching the off-licence which was about one hundred yards from the bus stop. He stopped in his tracks, he would just have time to pop in to the shop and buy a can of coke. Fizzy drinks may be frowned on by Mr. Vault but they were part of Kayne’s staple diet. He would keep the offending item hidden deep in his sports bag and drink the contents whenever Mr.Ball’s attention was elsewhere. In any case, if he was caught what was Mr. Vault going to do? He could not send Kayne home unaccompanied from the distant Football stadium. Health and Safety stipulations would prevent this. He would still enjoy the benefits of the day and get one up on the stupid teacher. The others would be impressed. He might even attract a knowing wink from Leonardo. He was sure his hero had similar attitudes to discipline which he frequently displayed on the football field.

He was minding his own business clutching a coke can in one hand and browsing the sweet counter picking up and then discarding the many sticky temptations on offer when he felt a firm hand tighten on the back of his neck. He tried to swing around to observe his assailant but it was difficult to move in any direction so vice like was the grip. In any event it soon became clear who he was up against. Mr. Drinkwater’s face loomed into view at the left side of his face. He could feel his breath and he could smell it too. Mr. Dashwood had a reputation not only for selling a lot of intoxicating liquor but for drinking a fair quantity of it too. Stale breath was the result. This morning the stale breath was pumping rapidly out of his mouth in a very agitated manner.

“Kayne Wayne, I’ve a bone to pick with you.”

He was now face to face with Kayne having achieved his object in detaining the boy. He stood menacingly between Kayne and the only escape route through the shop sliding doors. Mr. Drinkwater was now in full stale flow.

“ I understand from my wife Dorothy that you were very rude to her yesterday. Very rude indeed. She tells me the words “Interfering old bat” and “Stupid thicko” were used when she told you to stop spitting at some boy, at the cash desk. Apparently, the poor little lad got spittle in his eye. What was even worse, spittle landed on my cash till and counter. Dorothy had to get out the anti-bacterial spray. What do you have to say? “

Kayne would have had quite a lot to say, many words particularly of an abusive kind sprang into his mind. But breaking the habit of his limited lifetime he held his tongue. It flashed into his brain that he did not have the time to indulge in any lengthy, meaningful discussion with the pungent licensee. His bus was due any minute. He said as much to Mr. Drinkwater. Somewhat unreasonably, Mr. Drinkwater did not accept this as a good reason to terminate the conversation and proceeded to rehearse a long list of Kayne’s past misdemeanours. 

Fortunately for Kayne, other customers were gathering in a queue at the cash desk. Mr. Drinkwater was on his own in the shop, his wife having opted for the doubtful pleasure of attending her Monday morning Zumba class in the church hall. The irate frustrated shopkeeper therefore pointed Kayne towards the sliding doors and shouted

“I haven’t got time for you now. Get out of my shop and don’t come back. You’re barred!”

The full implications of Mr. Drinkwater’s instructions did not immediately occur to Kayne: the fact that this was the only shop for him to get provisions, on his route to school and back, had yet to dawn on his pre-occupied mind. He stumbled out of the shop. He had been much longer than he intended buying that can of coke which incidentally he had dropped in the furore. What time was it? His question was answered as his frantic gaze in the direction of the bus stop confirmed. Too late! A hundred yards away the Number 23 bus was drawing away from the stop. Even Usain Boult could not have caught it. Panic set in. What was he to do? The next Number 23 was not due for another twenty minutes or so and would not get him to the school on time. He had to be at the meeting place in the next fifteen minutes. He felt so angry and frustrated. He had a good mind to run back into Mr. Drinkwater’s shop and spit all over his stupid counter. But if he was to stand any chance of meeting Mr. Vault’s deadline he would have to run like the clappers[as his mother would say] the half mile or more to get to the Melham Road gate. Typical that Mr. Vault had chosen that gate for the pickup which was some distance further than the more obvious venue at the front of the school. He set off running wishing that he had not downed those two jammy waffles quite so recently. He kept checking and re-checking his left hand for re-assuring confirmation of the email instructions and checking his watch as he pounded the pavements towards the school.  

He had not yet learned that “past behaviour has a habit of coming back to haunt you” and “many fools get their come-uppance”; two of the phrases the Head Teacher was fond of reciting to erring students.

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